Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Its weird that goldfish will eat other goldfish but wont eat goldfish crackers. Life sure is complicated sometimes.
My neighbors got so weird when I asked how many bodies they thought were buried in their yard. I meant roughly, not like an exact number.
The best moments in life are the ones you don`t tell anyone about.
Laugh if you will but this night-light has an undefeated record at repelling Boogeymen.
My wife and I use the pull-out method of birth control where we pull out our phones and ignore each other every night.
The only time I`ve ever early to anything is when I`m dropping my kids off to be watched by somebody else.
I did not steal your drink. You abandoned it and I rescued it.
am feeling lazy......... jst like the guy who desighned the Japannese flag
My Retirement Plan hinges on having at least one successful kid.
"You clean up nicely", is just a polite way of saying, "You usually look like sh!t."
AWESOME!
With all the new car technology you would think someone could invent a side mirror that could show where an object actually appears.
People without kids: I`ll never yell at my kids ... People with kids: I DONT KNOW WHY SOMEONE SPIT THEIR GUM ON THE ROAD, JUST WALK!
If Santa’s helper takes a picture in the mirror, is that an elfie?
Just once I want my skills to be so urgently required that a helicopter is dispatched to pick me up.