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I am not acting childish and you`re just a big doody-head.
Scientists are dumb. A meteor didn`t kill the dinosaurs. I`ve been to the museum. It`s obvious they starved to death.
Why are people with BAD breath always wanting to tell me a secret?
Where there`s a will I want to be in it
Of course I`m using OJ as a mixer, it`s flu season.
I think today I`m going to cut off the sleeves of my snuggie and walk around the neighborhood pretending I`m in a Clint Eastwood western movie.
I didn`t break the rules. They were broken when I got here.
If you`re already in the cop car, I really can`t see how puking in it could make things any worse.
Health care in this country is a disgrace. My doctor said run 3 miles a day for a month. I`m now completely lost & 90 miles away from home.
So... Where does one obtain minions?
I embraced my inner child today and the lil` bastard bit me!
Women are like bacon, they smell great, taste delicious and kill you slowly. Men are like bacon because we`re pigs.
If someone toilet papered my house that would be great because I`m out of toilet paper.
Two things everybody wants: 1) Lose weight. 2) Eat.
You know you`re drunk when you sit down on the toilet & try to put your seatbelt on