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Why are people sad when potatoes can be cooked in like 200 ways?
Found out today that you`re supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, NOT a jelly stain. Sorry, strange lady at the Waffle House. Just trying to help...
"Hey! Aren`t you that guy from the village people?" - Me, to every cop who pulls me over
I`m so broke that I can`t even pay attention!
"My name is Robert and I support apples." -- Bob for apples
If one of Santa`s helpers takes a picture of himself with his smartphone, is that an "elfie"?
Somehow, going into The Dollar Store and asking for a price check just never gets old.
Kids eat free today? Nice... In that case, I`ll have a water and my son will have the steak and shrimp combo with a kids bud light.
I`ve been hitting "remind me later" for about the last 4 years on Adobe.
Please tell me I’m not the only one who opens up their Hershey Kisses ever so gently so that the foil doesn’t tear.
When children shy away, I say, "I don`t bite. Not hard anyway!" Then I laugh and bite them hard. They need to understand life`s not easy.
I`m starting to think that some of you are misspelling words on porpoise.
I dunno who decided on the spelling of bologna, but it`s obvious he had no idea how letters work.
I like how automatic doors just get out of my way. I wish more inanimate objects seemed scared of me.
I heard recently on the radio that, "If a man looks at womens breasts for 10 mins a day he will add 5 years to his life".. Can anyone confirm this?!! If so what are we waiting for?