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I wonder if I´ll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at myself and saying "there´s one."
That moment when you run into a spider web and suddenly become a karate master.
1: Say "Unh! 2: Mumble three spanish words. 3: list four cities. You just made a Pitbull song.
My best childhood memory was falling asleep on the couch and waking up in bed…. I miss teleporting. It never happens to me anymore.
I`m not the cat lady type. I`m more like an actual cat. I want affection when I want it and on my terms. The rest of the time I want to claw out your eyes and piss in your shoe.
Beauty is only a light switch away...
I`m so broke right now if anybody robbed me they`d just be practicing
Actions speak louder than passive aggressive Facebook statuses.
The song "Take me out to the Ballgame" is sung almost exclusively by people who are already at a ballgame.
I love sleeping, but I never want to go to bed early.
I`m starting to think that adult supervision is a myth. In fact, my eyes seem to be getting worse.
I`ve honestly never been more disappointed in life than when I found out that the Miami Dolphin football team was made up entirely of people
Like a good neighbor,I don`t really care.
The sun and I have an understanding. He gets up before I do.
I was just told that I over-analyze things. I need a couple of days to think about that before deciding if I should be offended.