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I want to spend the rest of my life photo bombing the Google street view camera shots dressed as Waldo.
I may not look good naked, but I`m a beautiful person on the insi.... Hahahaha just kidding I look great naked
Three decades of playing Tetris have apparently not improved our nation`s ability to stow overhead luggage.
We still don`t know sh*t about that airplane. - NEWS
Difference between men and women: Women can change their mind whenever they want. Men can change their mind whenever the woman wants.
A word of advice, stay on my good side. My good side is in Hawaii.
My son asked what it is like to be married, so I deleted all the music on his ipod except 1 song.
Who knew adulthood would involve so much Advil?
Are security guards at Samsung stores called Guardians of the Galaxy?
Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
The older I get, the more I enjoy being bored.
Her: I love it when we finish each other`s Him: pancakes
Never change. Unless you’re an a$$hole. Then you should probably change a little.
If anybody in North America needs a napkin, hit me up. I should have enough in my car’s glovebox for each of you.
My friend is showing me her new vegan handbag. I know vegans can be annoying, but should we really be making accessories out of them?