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wondering if today is a good day to implement my plan...
I`ve tried several times, but I can`t pet a cat without plotting world domination.
Sorry for accidentally karate kicking you. Sorry for high-fiving everyone who saw it.
Can Walmart be a feeling? I`m pretty sure that`s how I`m feeling today.
I was feeling down...then all of a sudden I felt myself up. Win, win situation! ;)
Why do some people call it a "tuna-fish" sandwich? It`s not like anyone calls it a "chicken-bird" sandwich.
I just found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock,,,, people expect less of you.
Hey Guys, I don’t have Instagram but I just wanted to let you know that I had oatmeal for breakfast. No sugar, mixed with water.
A vegan friend on FB said if we had to kill our own food, we wouldn`t eat meat... I think if he had to build his own computer he couldn`t whine on FB.
Textaphrenia – thinking you’ve heard or felt a new text message vibration when there is no message.
i only drink on days that end with y
I don`t get why girls get so offended by sexist jokes..I think they are just ovary-acting. Seriously..
You`re only young once but you can be immature forever!
If you`re confident enough, every zoo is a petting zoo.
Lightning is like God`s way of saying "Get out of that tree you pervert!"