Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
People around me think I`m losing it. So today, I had to sit myself down and have a talk.
Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.
Relationship status: I get the remote to myself!
Doctors and scientists agree on the benefits of an afternoon nap, yet still my boss thinks he knows better. Ridiculous.
When you`re accused of buying someone a gift last-minute at Walgreens, don`t reveal you actually went to Walgreens a month ago.
I’ve been waiting for this moment ever since I got up… goodnight!
How to cure a headache: 1. Drink a glass of water. 2. Take 10 deep breathes. 3. Give headache your credit card & tell her to go to the mall.
When you buy Halloween candy to hand out as an adult, it`s like you are paying for all the free candy you got when you were a kid.
I`m the opposite of psychic. I don`t even know what I`m thinking! ;)
Been coughing all night & day, can`t seem to stop. Guess I should go see a movie.
If opportunity doesn`t knock, build a door.
I own a shop selling `CLOSED` signs. We haven`t had a single customer today.
I feel like I`ve passed my "Best If Used By date."
I think some people just log into Facebook just to send me game requests.
If you get pulled over, ignore the cop and tell him that your mommy told you not to talk to strangers.