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Just for fun, next time you see a snooty, rich woman at the grocery store, ask her if she works there.
I hate people that don’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re”. Their so stupid…….
Going on a dangerous assignment. If I don`t come back, can someone please tell my girlfriend that I always found her laugh really annoying. Thanks.
Yes, bitches be trippin’ but maybe I pushed one.
When they say all expenses paid, does that include bail?
I`m not above slashing my own tires to avoid going to this family brunch.
I have to hand it to people who lead a double life ... I can barely handle the one I have.
It’s getting harder and harder to find vodka-flavored vodka.
I`m just a boy...standing in front of a girl...asking her to lov.....aw who am I trying to fool. I just want in your pants.
Every time the grocery baggers ask if I want help to my car, I feel like telling them yes and climbing in the cart.
My house has really let itself go.
Does this couch I`m laying on make me look unmotivated?
Me: Mom...Dad. I`ve decided to live on my own from now on. Parents: ok, cool. Me: Your luggage is outside
Most of my colleagues and friends can`t spell colleagues or friends.
Nothing tells your friends you`ve made it in life quite like owning a 4 slice toaster.