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Nobody really owns tupperware. We are all just really borrowing it from one another.
Apparently there`s enough room in my mouth to put more than one foot.
Those friends who like and at the same time unlike my statuses please you`re increasing my blood pressure!
I like it like that
Had to talk with my son about masturbation today...I explained that it is natural, and he should probably knock before he comes into my room from now on.
If you like to make love while listeninag to music, always choose live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
Black Friday, because after a day of thankfully stuffing your face, you deserve a deal on purchases you don’t need.
If every porkshop was perfect, we wouldn`t have hot dogs.
I’m drinking while I work out…I call it Bacardio.
If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blankets back to your side.
Yes, I talk to myself...Yes, I answer myself and Yes, I argue with myself....and the makeup sex is awesome.
I`m surprised people still ask me if I want to hold their baby given the number of times I`ve dropped and shattered my phone
And suddenly those annoying neighbors that leave their Christmas lights up all year long look like geniuses.
If you love something, set it free. If it immediately bites your throat and drags you up a tree, you love a leopard and should try to escape.
I googled "cigarette lighter" and got 150000 matches.