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The Hobbit 2: we`ve still got a long way to walk
I hate waking up all hungover, eyebrow shaved, and a d!ck drawn on my face ... Especially since I was drinking alone last night.
No, I would not like to know what fruit my body is shaped like.
Nothing says "I dont take you seriously" like your dog wagging his tail when you`re yelling at him.
I just started dating a homeless girl and it`s great! When I take her home, I can drop her off anywhere I want.
Ya know those scenes where the guy shoves everything off the table and throws a woman on it yeah I`ve only done that with pizza
Instead of a selfie, you should take a someone elsie.
Don`t come to my door wanting to talk about the Lord. I don`t come to your door wanting to talk about wine and vibrators, do I?
Nascar would be so more entertaining if they threw banana peels and turtle shells.
Who decided that the abbreviation for pound should be two letters not in the word?
If you cannot FACE your problem, then the problem is your FACE.
That sound the Ketch-up make when you squeeze out the last drop, NEVER fails in making people laugh
Sometimes, I`m offended at how easily offended some people get.
I hate it when I open my fridge and get punched by a bear... =/
All units be on the lookout, suspect is armed with hunky shoulders, soft eyes and dreamboat hair. I don`t even remember what he did anymore.