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I like it like that
I’ve been waiting for this moment ever since I got up… goodnight!
You can be like "This is a slippery slope" or you can be like "Weeeeeeee!"
Parallel lines have so much in common, it`s a shame they`ll never meet
If I randomly burst out in laughter, it`s usually `cause I just told myself a joke I`d never heard before :)
Every woman needs a shoulder to cry on, a shoulder to lean on and a shoulder to hold her bra strap on!!!
How will you survive a zombie apocalypse if you scream & run when you see a spider?
Stretch pants are like Wonder Bras for your butt cheeks
To understand paranoid people better, follow them around.
I feel like landlords who don’t allow dogs but DO allow children, don’t know very much about children.
On a scale of 9 to 10, how would you rate me?
I`m no expert, but I`m pretty sure a lot of economic problems could be solved by extending the McDonald`s breakfast menu back out to 11am.
Is anyone going to tell America`s funniest videos about YouTube?
If at first you don`t succeed, you`ll get a lot of free advice from folks who didn`t succeed either.
I`m known all over the world for my exaggerations.