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Who needs dance lessons when you`ve got alcohol?!
I’m probably single because I forgot to forward those chain messages from 2008.
Apparently sleeping your way to the top doesn`t mean dozing off in meetings or taking naps in the copier room.
A cool thing about being in a relationship is that when you make a mistake you get to hear about it over and over.
I have an alcohol problem, in that I can`t afford any.
Male or female, no one f*cks with you if you put your lipstick on like The Joker.
Vegans think they will live longer than us, but they don`t realize they are 100 times more likely to be murdered mid conversation.
Whenever someone says they did something, "like a boss", I assume that means they didn’t do it at all and are merely taking credit for it.
Dont freeze your Common sense in the process of being COOL.
So if a dentist makes money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should we trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
I miss being in a relationship. Could 1 of you girls come over here and yell at me, treat me like shi t and not sleep with me? It might help.
dont love..dont hurt...keep doing flirt..:)
Adam Levine beating me out for sexiest man contest is complete bullsh*t.
So many fun things to say … too many relatives on Facebook to post!
99% of people are stupid. Luckily, I’m part of the other 2%