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A zip line but from the sofa to the fridge
Let`s run away together.. Lol jk, I don`t run anywhere.
When I become president I will make Monday a part of the weekend.
Why do guys go to bars to meet women? Go to Target. There`s like 10 women to each man and they`re already there looking for things they don`t need.
I’m right 97% of the time…who cares about the other 4%.
he who laughs last thinks slow
If you ever get caught sleeping during work, just slowly raise your hand and say "In Jesus name I pray, Amen."
I hate people who say "Age is just a number" — Age is clearly a word.
Hand dryers are a great way to see how your hands look while skydiving.
People really need to get with the times. Smartphones are not for talking anymore.
I have high blood pressure, but my dogs don`t. So, from now on I`m only getting upset about squirrels and mailmen.
Does running away from your problems count as exercising? If it is, then I`m one hell of a fitness freak
And the day after Christmas has revealed that the holiday is just an elaborate ruse to get you home to fix your parents computer problems.
For the past 3 years I have been planning to write an article on Procrastination!!!
The quality of a good neighbour is not seeing them often.