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*Removes smoke detector battery *Cooks in silence
Happy Labor Day to someone who barely labored this year.
I`m pretty sure apple kid below needs help..
My bank account is more like a countdown to my homelessness
Why are clothes so expensive? I shouldn`t have to pay so much to not be naked. Other people should pay me not to be naked.
Mary had a little lamb,,the midwife fainted
Textaphrenia – thinking you’ve heard or felt a new text message vibration when there is no message.
If pi is 3.14, then I think .99 is a good deal for 2 doughnuts.
I feel like I have not told enough people lately to kiss my mother f*cking a$$.
“we should hang out soon” loosely translates to I’m doing everything in my power to end this stupid conversation.
When a girl says "no," a guy hears it as "try again tomorrow."
Nobody talk to me until I`ve Instagrammed my coffee.
Pizza is like sex, when it is good it`s very good, When it`s bad...it`s still pretty good.
I`m the type of person that will burst out laughing in dead silence over something that happened days ago.
In the word "scent" is it the s that is silent or the c?