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I decided to go on a road trip and not come back till I ran out of money... I made it to the end of the driveway.
Today I saw a baby with a bib that said `This dumbass put my cape on backwards.`
Personally, I believe that around 93% of the world`s population should run with scissors.
Is the CEO of Kraft also known as The Big Cheese?
Today I seek some truth and fulfilment but I’ll settle for some bacon.
Congratulations, U.S. Government, you are now officially more embarrassing than Miley Cyrus
Weekends are like a orgasm.. It`s takes a lot to get there and when u finally do it`s over in no time
I did not trip...the floor looked like it needed a hug.
Sorry, I was not paying attention. I was thinking about having sex with you.
I`m so pissed right now! I`m about to open a can of... Wait…WTF??!! Since when did they start putting child-proof lids on the cans of whoop-ass? A little help please...
bored out of my mind in class i began staring into space... space happened to be right in front of me at the time...
Tip of the day: Don`t piss off anyone who has unlimited access to your toothbrush.
They should open a bar and call it "The Gym" so I can be like those annoying people on Facebook who brag about going to the gym every day.
Admit it, we all have that special someone we`d visit if given a tank to drive for a day
I liked Hoarders much better when it was called Sanford & Son.