Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
AA meetings would be better if AA stood for Alcohol Afterwards
Edward Cullen is extremely pale due to the lack of light in the closet.
"They Dared Me To" should be a legitimate excuse in a Court of Law.
I think there’s finally enough stuff in my kitchen junk drawer to build a spaceship.
In relationships, it’s important to pay attention to the person’s likes and dislikes. My parole officer, for example, hates to be tickled.
I don`t know why I don`t buy more piñatas. Like right now I would love to beat the shit out of something and then eat a bunch of candy.
In a perfect world Taco Bell would deliver...
Before asking a hot chick out, I wish I could first talk to the dude who`s sick of her bullsh!t.
My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don`t exist. He`s vacuuming
I believe in love at first sight or as science calls it, "boners."
Cheer Up. Right now, somebody, somewhere, is thinking about you naked.
Have you ever wondered about the look on someone`s face if you hide under their bed and grab their foot in the middle of the night? Just something to think about.....goodnight!
Im so lazy today, I am going to watch fast and furious in slow motion.
Anyone going to stare at their phones anywhere cool this weekend?
Keep your friends close and your unattractive enemies closer so you look better by comparison in pictures.