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Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is a complete idiot.
Days are short in December but spending them with family really stretches them out.
I`m not an asshole, I`m just the only one who has the balls to say what everyone else is thinking.
I wonder if Sallys parents were like "Yeah great idea Sally. Sell seashells. On the seashore. Where there are tons of free shells. Idiot."
It’s like nobody ever considers the consequences of getting to know me.
Is there a 5-second Rule for when you drop babies? ...Asking for a friend. JK people!!! LOL ;)
Punctuality is a waste of time since no one is ever there to appreciate it.
Waiter, bring me a bowl of turtle soup and make it snappy.
Giving people the finger while driving just isn`t effective. Which is why I had the catapult installed.
I was all ears until you said something that sounded like advice.
No matter what`s happening there`s always part of me that would rather be taking a nap or drinking.
I plan on being up really late tonight making voodoo dolls for, well, never mind, you will know who you are soon enough.
Falling out of bed the fun way. Oh wait, there isn`t a fun way....
Fact: You wish Facebook had the middle finger button.
I read that India launched a rocket to Mars the other day. That seems like a strange place to put a call center?