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There are no limits to what you can accomplish when you are suppose to be doing something else.
It’s called karma, and it’s pronounced “haha! Screw you!”
I`m too lazy to be a stalker. You`ll have to come here. Bring coffee.
Truth is, it’s not a “long story”… I’m just too damn lazy to explain it.
My friends were alway so nice. They were like "of course you`re not fat! Come on, grab two chairs and sit with us" :)
Guys...dont mess up and buy her the wrong brand of vacuum cleaner for Valentines Day this year. Spend a little extra for a really good one ... Just tring to help.
Why are Doctors so afraid of apples?
Life advice: Enjoy the f*ck out of it. It`s that simple.
Exercise by running up the street knocking on all the doors. - Jehovah`s Fitness.
Parenting is a lot like the bar scene: Everyone`s yelling, everything`s sticky, it`s the same music over and over again and occasionally someone pukes somewhere they
My girlfriend is gorgeous, selfless, graceful, highly intelligent and looking over my shoulder as I type.
This is not the status message you are looking for .... Move along
I dont mind going to work, but this eight hour wait to go home is bullsh*t
Baking soda seems like a scam. "Be sure to keep this box of magic white powder in the back of your refrigerator."
Do a little dance, make a little love, pay child support.