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Drying out wet fireworks in the oven is not a good idea. Trust me on this
I only say "God bless you" twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume you cant be blessed and you`re a demon who must be destroyed.
Most advanced telescopes use mirrors so we really have no way to know how many vampires are in space
All I`m saying is, China could have a much better relationship with the West if they shared their dragons with us. But, whatever, be that way.
Next time you over hear a stranger giving out their number. Text them details of what they are wearing. It`s so fun to watch them freak out!
The Hulk just texted me a picture of a zucchini, I think?
Imagine this: You`re home alone and you sneeze. Suddenly the phone rings and you answer, then someone whispers `Bless you` and hangs up.
You call it "Road Rage". I call it "Aggressively maneuvering around a$$holes that don`t know how to f*cking drive."
Anyone notice the irony behind “hyphenated” and “non-hyphenated”?
Saw a bird sh*t on my car, so I ate scrambled eggs on my front step, just to show him what I`m capable of.
Roses are red and sometimes they`re thorny, when I think of you, I get really ...............
1st woman on the Moon.. Houston we have a problem What? Never mind What`s the problem? Nothing Please tell us? You know what the problem is.
Dear Vegetarians, Thanks for saving the good food for us.
I think my new Stress Management plan is going to be alcoholism.
I don`t get nearly enough credit for managing not to be a violent psychopath