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Give Me A Minute While I Pretend To Care!
Don`t ever forget.. I`m always here. A l w a y s. Scrolling. Judging. Judging. Scrolling. That`s right. I see everything.
Facial recognition software can pick out a person in a crowd, but this stupid vending machine at work can`t recognize my dollar bill with a bent corner...
Sometimes, in life, all you really need is a lot of money.
I wish there was more BitStrips and photos of giraffes on my Facebook
I was in a taxi and the driver said "I love my job. I`m my own boss and nobody tells me what to do!" I said "That`s really great, now take a left here."
When she says she`s madly in love with you, concentrate more on the word madness.
If you need time alone, announce that it`s time to clean the house.
It`s the little things in life that matter the most... for instance the refrigerator light, helping you to see that last beer way in the back!
Karma takes too long ..... I`d rather beat the sh%t out of you.
When i see a person hailing a cab, i run quickly by them and slap them a high five just to boost their enthusiasm!
I hear there is scientific proof that birthdays are good for you... the more you have the longer you live.
Remember before you give the finger from the safety of your car, not everyone has a schedule to keep.
Moral compass? Is there an app for that?
I don`t fear death... It happens to everyone. I just hope when I am dead and buried, I don`t vote Democrat.