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My kids can be difficult sometimes, but my mom always assures me that I deserve it.
Reverse Psychology: DO not STALK MY FB PAGE. YOU ARE not OBSESSED WITH ME...
I wonder how many people`s phones out there have my name saved in contacts as "DO NOT ANSWER"
If you like to make love while listening to music, always choose a live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
With names like "Batman" and "Robin", you`d think they could fly...
I don`t get nearly enough credit for managing not to be a violent psychopath
Make librarians cry by calling it a Book Museum while taking pictures with your iPad.
I just googled Magnum condoms and I swear I could hear Siri laughing.
I used to be poor. Then I bought a dictionary, and now I`m impecunious.
"Wow! That butterfly`s gonna be HUGE!" - First person to find a mummy
U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to life. how many fish do you have?? stop counting smart one fish can`t drown
Of all the advice given to me over the years, “There really is no bad time for a beer” has proved to be the most helpful.
Let It Snow is my favorite song about people who don`t understand how weather works.
Based on my reaction to toast popping out of a toaster, I’d like to recommend you never throw me a surprise party.
My motto for the night ... drink till I no longer think :)