Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I always laugh at myself. If I didn´t, everyone else would be having fun without me.
I`m having fruit salad for dinner, well, it`s mostly grapes...crushed grapes ...ok, it`s wine, I`m having wine!
only 9530 days until retirement.
if you hold a dinner fork really close to your eyes, you can pretend that they`re in jail
Laughter is the best medicine (that my insurance is willing to cover)
When I`m bored I like to call in sick to places I don`t work for. I`m getting written up at Home Depot
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
You win some, you lose some, and if you`re lucky, you get some.
I have lost my mind and I am making no effort to look for it.
Who called them expiration dates instead of spoiler alerts
If my jokes offend you: 1. I’m sorry. 2. It won’t happen again. 3. 1 & 2 are lies. 4. You’re a wussy.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is that you`re stupid and make bad decisions.
I`m disgusted by the thought of people updating their status while sitting on the toilet like I am right now.
Family and Friends - I am FAR too busy to listen to any of your problems or concerns *Googles do penguins go to heaven?*
Half a dozen: because “six” is way to long.