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I hate people that don’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re”. Their so stupid…….
Crap, my Internet has been down for 4 days ...Probably because my neighbors moved 4 days ago.
Girls are always taking your hoodies but you take one of their dresses and suddenly they`re all like "we need to talk."
WEB MD should have a simple answer like “Calm down-you probably just ate too many cookies!”
The next time the creepy guy at the bar asks you "Why aren`t you smiling?" simply reply, "I don`t smile while I fart."
Apparently, all those good looking people in the swimsuit catalogs go to a different beach than I do.
I get my cardio from caffeine...
i make the other half of the Oreo watch.
Been coughing all night & day, can`t seem to stop. Guess I should go see a movie.
Our brain took two billion years to evolve. Two billion trips around the Sun. All so humans can use it to look at kittens on the Internet.
Four words that I never want to hear: There is no food
I had a bit of a lazy day sitting in my underwear looking for jobs online. My boss was furious.
For an "adult" bookstore, this place has a LOT of picture books
when i die i want to be thrown out of an airplane with a superman costume
Yo fellas, how did that “wow” comment you left on that girls Facebook picture play out?