Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
He died doing what he loved, annoying the hell out of me and not believing I would stab him.
Sex is great, but.....Have you ever had stuffed crust pizza?!?!
It`s getting warm out. I can finally get back to smacking people and blaming it on mosquitos!
I`m really sick and tired of food having calories...
I did responsible things all day so tonight will consist of nothing that even resembles responsibility.
Why can’t the shower just naturally keep itself clean?
I`ve taken my kids all over the country, but their favorite place to be is still "in the way."
The best part about a vacation to England is that my wife won`t need to adjust her driving.
I was wondering why my doctor gave me LSD for my constipation, then I saw a dragon and crapped myself.
"Never go to bed angry" is the worst advice ever. I haven`t slept in a week!
If you don’t already hate people, the mall is a great place to start.
I remember the days when I could refer to my knees as right and left. Now I refer to them as the good and bad knee.
I really would love to see two mimes arguing
If you never jumped from sofa to sofa as a kid to avoid the lava, then you missed out on childhood.
"I’m definitely going to do that tomorrow.” — Me being delusional