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Looking for one night stand! Probably need two! I have a lot of books
I can alwasy tell when movies do not use real dinosaurs
So how many women out there think men are pigs? Gimme a show of tits!
What if aliens only abduct crazy people, because nobody will ever believe them?
When I`m bored I like to call in sick to places I don`t work for. I`m getting written up at Kohls.
drinking while working out...it`s called Bacardio
The only sit up I do is the one I use to get out of bed.
There’s nothing like having a long to-do list to make me feel like doing absolutely nothing.
CONGRATULATIONS! You are the 13th woman he`s called "beautiful" on Facebook today.
This coffee would work better if I could throw it at people.
Thanks to yesterday`s chili, I can definitively tell you that there are 242 tiles in this bathroom stall.
If Wendy`s think their square burgers are so awesome, why don`t they use square buns?
Masturbating in front of your partner in the hope that she’ll join does not always work. And people on the bus stare at you.
I`d say go to hell, but I don`t want to see you again.
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.