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30 years later and my Cabbage Patch Kid still has no clue that he`s adopted.
If it weren’t for law enforcement and physics, I would be unstoppable.
Hey ladies breastfeeding in public,...Why don`t you ever smile in my pictures?
If your house doesn`t have house numbers on it, you need to address that situation.
That awkward moment for a guy when he`s at a urinal stall and another guy takes the stall right next to him when there`s plenty of other perfectly good stalls farther away..
Guess what I saw today? ... Everything I looked at.
I got pulled over for drunk driving last night... In my defense I didn`t even know I was driving.
It`s pretty amazing how many times my daughter likes to say "it`s not fair!" considering she has never had to pay taxes
As an adult, I’m not eating nearly as much ice cream as 10 year old me thought I would.
Why go to a public pool when strangers on Craigslist will pee on you for free
I can walk up to any dog, rub its butt and make a friend. That trick only works about half the time on people.
Walmart does not have a dildo section. But it`s always fun to ask their employees if they do.
Every woman thinks her husband is a moron. And they’re absolutely right because smart men don’t get married.
Good thing I`m judged on my actions and not my thoughts.
You´re just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!