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Do you ever think that if it weren`t for someone smoking Marijuana they might of killed you already. . .
I`m a really nice guy before you get to know me.
Just found some old sex coupons I got from an ex for my b-day. Any of you ladies take competitor`s coupons?
Well, one week smoke free, only 4 dead, 27 injured… not bad…
So I just saw a donkey crossing the road. The cool thing was he looked both ways before crossing. What a smart a$$.
Some people are just bad news!!! Those are my favorite!
Upside to hurricanes... you might get a free boat delivered to your front yard.
My day at work wasn`t easy, I just made it look that way!
I`m obviously smarter than you`re
just realised SATURDAY has the word TURD in it
In order to get my teenagers attention I shut off the WiFi router and wait for them in the room it`s in.
Now accepting friends that live on a lake and have a boat and/or jet skis
Women who tell me I have commitment issues have never seen me with a large pizza.
The best thing about telepathy is.. I know, right!
Whoever said you can’t “like” your own status is just not awesome enough to do it.