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I heard lots of bongo noises coming from my loft last night. It sounded very Drum Attic.
My neighbor`s are going out of town for the weekend so I finally have the house to myself.
There are only two types of honest people in this world, small children and drunk people.
The difference between cars and whales is that whales can swim and cars can`t.
One day, I`m gonna wait for the Wal-Mart greeter to go on a bathroom break, step in their place, and begin welcoming everyone to K-mart.
Monopoly: Destroying friendships since 1904
Yes, autocorrect, that`s right. I hate that stupid ditch
To make it stand, you wet it. To make it wet, you suck it. To make it stiff, you lick it. To get it in, you push it. Threading a needle isn`t easy.
Being gay is fine. Being lesbian is fine. Being straight is fine. But do you know what’s not fine? Wearing crocs. That is NOT okay
Today I saw something that reminded me of you. But don`t worry, I flushed and everything went back to normal.
A week is just five days of wishing you had nothing to do followed by two days of wishing you had something to do
If I was on drugs, this post would be amazing.
Currently training for when they inevitably make drinking an Olympic sport.
What idiot called it the "Happy Birthday" song instead of New Age music
iTunes got it all wrong, the hottest single of the year is me.