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I`d rather run into the four horsemen of the apocalypse than a group of women out on a "girls` night."
The real problem with this generation is that the cartoons suck.
Saw some idiot put a water bottle where the Pringles go on the treadmill.
On the first day of school, I tell all my students to rip up their textbooks ..then I leave before their REAL teacher arrives.
Is it weird to get naked during a massage? At what point can I ask the masseuse to put his pants back on?
Three weeks without a signal typo!
I love you in a bipolar way because I hate you.
I shurvivfed the dentisht wivout any notishable shide affecshss.
I exercised once, but found I was allergic to it. My skin flushed and my heart raced. I got sweaty and short of breath. Very dangerous.
Must be nice to get married and finally know who the number one suspect in your murder case will be
It`s such a cold winter this year that the squirrels are collecting more nuts than usual. So far 3 of my neighbors have disappeared...
Shout out to people who are hard of hearing.
If you’re that person that makes microwave popcorn at work, nobody likes you.
I’ve thought about running away as an adult way more than I did as a child.
People who enjoy life, rarely have a flat stomach.