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Did anyone hear the one about the cross dresser? The happiest day in his life was when he finally got into his girlfriend`s pants.
You’re probably naked under all those clothes. You slut.
My friends are the kind that would flirt with the fireman while my house was burning down.
My wife wants to have more kids but I don`t want to have to learn anyone else`s name.
When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy housewives using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they must be on.
Rescue helicopters should have white lights at the end of their blade so when they spin it looks a halo.
Sometimes Google should just come back with an answer that says, `Trust me, you don`t want to know.`
My girlfriend asked me to send some dirty pics. So I sent her a picture of my sink full of dishes. :)
I`m hoping to avoid a situation where I have to dance to save my own life.
I hate long distance relationships. That`s why I moved the fridge into my bedroom.
When a male octopus finds a mate, he rips off his happy place and throws it at the female octopus so she can inseminate herself. Then the male grows a new happy place. If that isn`t the most epic way to tell someone to go $*&# themselves, I don`t know what is!
They should make a "How It`s Made" episode on how "How It`s Made" is made.
Money isn`t the key to happiness ... Wait a minute, I`ll just pay to have a key made.
How long do I have to lay on the couch in the same position before I can call it "yoga"?
Drop it! Please, just DROP IT. - My dog, whenever I`m eating.