Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I’m going to start wearing a whistle around my neck, so I can call penalties on people who piss me off.
I hate when I accidentally say "I love you" instead of "I`m biologically driven to want to reproduce with you and I`m temporarily delusional."
Sometimes I don`t go big just so I can go home.
I’ve been in this McDonald’s restroom for over an hour, waiting for an employee to wash my hands.
My wife even says "NO" in her sleep. The force is strong with this one.
i hate not being able to correct the typo i just made in my previous statues update......DAMN IT! I JUST DID IT AGAIN!
Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
With Halo 4, Black Ops II and Assasins Creed III, I think November might register the lowest teen pregnancy rates in a long time!
My pants are 75% off.
I know it’s “cool” to make fun of celebrities, but the Bieber jokes need to stop. That’s somebody’s daughter.
Deaf people don`t have safe words, they use stop signs.
Instead of going to Starbucks, I make my own coffee, yell my name out incorrectly, and then light a $5 bill on fire.
Somebody needs to teach opportunity how to use a doorbell.
Sexual education classes in school should just be listening to a baby cry for 5 hours straight while watching the same cartoon on repeat.
Have you ever realized that sleeping is just your eyes staring at your eyelids all night long?