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My first career was working as a Ventriloquist on a Radio Program, I got let go when people kept calling in to say my lips were moving.........
My neighbors got so weird when I asked how many bodies they thought were buried in their yard. I meant roughly, not like an exact number.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I`m not a doctor but I play one on Match.com
Dancing in the 70`s: I have absolutely no idea what I am pointing at
Unless its inappropriately, don`t f*cking touch me.
The best thing about online classes is the beer.
Anyone that tells you money is the root of all evil is f*cking broke.
I just ended a 5 year relationship. Luckily it wasn`t mine.
Caterpillars have it made. They eat a lot, go to sleep, then wake up beautiful.
Married people always ask when you’re getting married like they get points for recruiting to their club of misery.
My mom just sent me a friend request on Facebook! Finally I can use that "I`m not your friend I`m your mother" speech to my advantage.
Better late than pregnant.
Is a bath relaxing for Michael Phelps, or does he just feel like he is at work?
Every time I see an obese cop, a small part of me hopes he has to chase me.