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Of all the things I have lost in life I mis my mind the most
Bending over ... preparing to do my taxes.
Being a pizza delivery driver is great because literally no one is disappointed to see you
Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
Of all the martial arts, Karaoke inflicts the most pain.
I`m so sick and tired of my light weight friends who can`t handle their alcohol...Last night , they dropped me 3 times when carrying me out of the bar!
I now have permanent vision loss due to excessive eye-rolling at stupid idiots.
I don`t like selfish people. I saw this guy pushing like 50 carts at Wal-mart last night. Really? You think someone else might want one?
I have a fear of speed bumps, but I`m slowly getting over it.
The dollar store needs to go ahead and open up a few gas stations.
I believe in sharing the road with other drivers. They can have the part behind me.
I just quit my job at the helium bottling plant. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone!
Imagine if trees gave off WiFi signals, We would be planting so many trees. And we`d probably save the planet too! Too bad they only produce the oxygen we breath :/
Trying to remain humble but I’m the most famous person in my living room right now.
You know you are in the hood when your portable GPS says “Drive faster and put me under the seat.”