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Immature >>> A word boring people use to describe fun people..
The ultimate act of trust is buying your spouse a gun, and then showing them the correct way to use it.
Do handjobs from girls who speak sign language count as blowjobs
Dear Diary, men think about sex every 7 seconds. I do that with pizza.
Tell a girl she pretty she`ll believe it for a minute. Tell a girl she has Miley Cyrus` butt she`ll believe it for a lifetime
Roses are red, violets are blue, the boss snuck out early, so I left too.
Do you think we like to sing in the shower because we all love a good soap opera?
New rule: If I hold the door open for you and you walk by without thanking me I`m guaranteed at least one attempt on trying to trip you.
Sitting out in my front yard pointing a hair dryer at speeding cars to see if any slow down.
Does shaking the vending machine count as working ...
My boss was all, "Do you know why I called you to the office, " and I was like, "I dunno is there a hidden security camera in the bathroom."
Gone insane. Be back Tuesday.
Twerking is the crocs of dancing.
She heard me call her a bitch so now I have 100 problems.
You don`t need to use your words if you`re carrying a machete. People just seem to figure it out.