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Once and for all, I agree to ALL "the terms and conditions" that have or will ever exist!
If it hurts when you pee, urine trouble.
Now that I`ve maxed out my 401k for the year, I`ll get a tattoo, said no one ever.
Halloween always exposes my weakness for Milk Duds, I am powerless. Tomorrow I will attend MDA, Milk Duds Anonymous
I`m hosting a wine tasting event in my home. Well, it`s not really an event. It`s just me and three bottles of wine. No one else is invited.
Limbo champion walks into a bar...he`s disqualified.
She asked me to make her feel special so I gave her a helmet and crayons.
Frankly auto correct,I`m getting tired of your shirt.
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Wal-Mart
If my house is clean, it means that Facebook is not working.
When your boss says "You need help", he never means a hitman.
Quick question, ladies: If you shave your eyebrows off and then draw them back on, what the hell are you doing?
Your secrets are safe with me! Odds are, I wasn’t even listening.
According to my nipples, there;s a ninety-nine percent chance it`s cold as f*ck outside.
Technically, every picture is a before picture.