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Does it count as saving someone`s life if you just refrain from killing them?
People are always much more interesting before you get to know them.
If I pat you on the back, there`s a 99% chance that I`m only using you as a napkin
Any time that I see someone wearing crocs, I assume they lost a bet.
Pretty sure I look forward to my boss` vacation`s more than he does.
If people in horror movies listened to me, they would still be alive.
I wish I could commute by roller coaster.
First thing I do in the morning: Look at the clock and hope I have more time to sleep.
Sometimes I can’t remember what parking lot I left my car in at the mall so I get it Malaysia Airlines…I totally get it.
what happends when chemists pass away...We Barium.
I´m not cheap, but I am on special this weekend. ;)
My favorite part of a marathon is watching the reaction of runners who grab my plastic cup of vodka.
Shouldn’t the Air and Space museum be empty?
No thank you, I don`t need a coaster. I won`t be putting my drink down.
Well, I`ve officially entered the, "Why did I come into this room?" phase of my life.