Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Hey Samsung and Apple, no need for commercials. We’ve all chosen sides.
Are you free tonight, or will it cost me?
I`d rather spend 5 minutes reorganizing the dishwasher, than spend the 10 seconds it takes to wash the dish that doesn`t fit.
Judging by all the cracking and popping noises my body makes when I work out, I`d say I`m about 74% Rice Krispies.
This might be my ego talking, but I feel my weight-loss spambot followers care about me. They really, really, do.
Do you realize that a woman`s "I`ll be ready in five minutes." and a guy`s " I`ll be home in five minutes." are exactly the same?
You made several good points, and I understand that you are right, but the way you said it was so douchey I have to take an opposite stance.
Idea: maybe the police force for a town of 20,000 shouldn`t have access to weapons you ordinarily need cheat codes to get
People always say that alcohol kills... but if you think about it .... it causes many births too.
The Swiss must’ve been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
I know I am an acquired taste. If you don`t like me, you need to acquire some taste. Or go f*ck yourself. Whichever.
My whole life is based on a true story...
Movie comes on while im in bed: ugh ive seen this a million times. Movie comes on before I have to get ready for work: oh hell yea a classic
I liked Hoarders much better when it was called Sanford & Son.
Hey ladies breastfeeding in public, why don`t you ever smile in my pictures?