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I bet Waldo`s parents are worried sick.
Have you ever looked at your ex and wondered...WAS I drunk the whole time?
I swear I heard my dentist whisper "yolo" as he reached for a chisel...
If I could move things by telekinesis I`d squeeze people`s insides and make them fart.
ah... Crocs the 21st century version of the chastity belt
In my experience, most arguments are caused by a misunderstanding of the fact that I`m right.
Sometimes my kid likes me, but I`m pretty sure it`s only because I`m his Oreo dealer.
Okay, I am getting really irritated. This is the 5th ATM I`ve been to today that`s had "insufficient funds".
Why did they send me to this white room? Do they think I`m crazy? Do they think I`m ...HOLY CRAP THE WALLS ARE FLUFFY!!!
no..i am not drunk, floors needs hugs too ! :p
Whatever doesn’t kill me makes me all like, “Whoa! That was close!”
I hate when a website has a picture that you can click and enlarge. Then the "enlarged picture" is the same exact size as the thumbnail!
I’m not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they’d come up sliced.
I wasn´t born with enough middle fingers to show you how I feel
I need a bank to do two things for me: give me a loan and leave me alone