Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
never be afraid to wipe twice
Why don`t prison inmates just use liquid soap?
I tried yoga once, but we called it Twister
The sole purpose of a child`s middle name, is so he can tell when he`s really in trouble.
Me: You`ve dimmed the lights already, aren`t we forward? * smiles suggestively * Optometrist: Just read the letters on the screen.
The Easter Bunny doesn`t always drink, but when he does I bet it`s hopscotch.
Imagine this: You`re home alone and you sneeze. Suddenly the phone rings and you answer, then someone whispers `Bless you` and hangs up.
Hockey is more enjoyable if you pretend they’re fighting over the world’s last Oreo.
Don`t talk to me about hard times. My dog just licked the last piece of pizza.
If the waitress in the One Bell Pub is reading this can we please have our pudding now, cheers
The problem with diets is pizza.
I talk to myself because my answers are the only ones I accept
If I ever get off this couch, I’ll be unstoppable.
Dance like no one´s going to put it on YouTube.
I just want to be rich enough to be referred to as eccentric instead of crazy.