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So exhausting to have my life changed for the better every time someone posts a screenshot of a famous quote.
I see you`re busy. I`ll come back later and ruin your free time.
Mondays should start at noon.
Today is the first day of the rest of your life, but so was yesterday, and look how that turned out...
"Hello Kitty" should have been a brand of condoms...
Hitting the snooze button is like hitting the “Next Episode” button on Netflix… it’s going to happen at least 3 times.
You know you`re old when all of the bands you listened to growing up have several greatest hits albums.
I wish more events in life involved dumping a cooler full of Gatorade on people.
Its national shave your... Well, tomorrow is valentine`s day. Just an FYI.
I`m too lazy to ever write a biography. Story of my life.
People would believe everything I say.. if it wasn`t for everything I say.
Life gave me onions ... Onionade sucks.
If at first you don’t succeed, you shouldn’t diffuse bombs.
Sometimes my mind wanders, other times it leaves completly. ;)
I prefer a slowie not a quickie.