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Remember, You’re only young once, but you can be immature forever.
Imagine how freaked out the first human must of been on the first sneeze.
Miley Cyrus and Justin Beiber were both answers on Jeopardy tonight. The end is near........
The best thing about humans is that many of the richest and most prosperous among us collect bottles of rotten grape juice.
Just used the holiday card with your kid`s face on it to scoop up a dog turd in the living room.
Nothing gets me motivated for 10-15 seconds like a good inspirational quote.
They should really be Middle-Age Mutant Business Turtles by now.
Oh cool! ... I really do not care.
I have a friend with one eye, he`s pretty cool about it, instead of :D he sends .D
Today, my wife asked "would you still love me if I was ugly and fat." "Yes, honey I do." was not the right answer.
When it`s raining I don`t work, when its sunny I don`t work, when its cloudy I call in sick!
I was all ears until you said something that sounded like advice.
Does anyone else wonder why naked and baked, 2 words that go together SO well, don`t rhyme?? ...I mean, who comes up with these words anyway? lol
A 15 year old took gold in the Olympics and then there is me whose greatest accomplishment is getting up to 10 on flappy bird.
Mix it up a little. Text a random phone number the following msg: "The fat one won`t fit into the woodchipper. What do you want me to do?"