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My neighbors complained about all the loud sex they are hearing from my house. So now I have to buy some headphones for my computer.
Helpful Tip: A ceiling fan won`t cut a bagel in half ... Not even on top speed
People hate the truth. Luckily, the Truth doesn`t give a $#!t.
"I guess you`re right." - No one on the internet ever
All I ask is that if we arm the teachers, that the librarians get silencers.
Okay im going to make myself a sandwich, and i better have some votes when i come back. -.-
There’s always that last setting on your windshield wipers that makes you go “damn, calm the f*ck down!”
I`d be super embarrassed if people saw my google history but only because its all words I should really know how to spell by now
I`m all for change as long as it doesn`t directly affect my routine.
Never hire a color blind Bomb Technician.
Why is it that whenever you dial a wrong number, somebody always answers?
Life`s most terrifying 10 seconds: Being held hostage in the corner of the shower by cold water.
Interviewer: Give an example of a difficult scenario & how you handled it. Me: I poured a bowl of cereal, but had no milk. I used ice cream.
If you recieve something that says,”Send it to all your friends” , then please don`t consider me as your friend.
In heaven, the Cheez-Its are salted on both sides.