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I`m sure the fellow below don`t have big feet :(
The phrase “Don’t take this the wrong way.” has a zero percent success rate.
Yeah, I was dropped as a baby. Into a pool of sheer awesome.
FACT: Candy corn is made out of melted down traffic cones.
My greatest talent is being able to watch 5 years worth of a TV shows in one week.
You can tell a lot about someone by whether they read HP as horsepower or hit points.
I was cleaning one of my finger guns and accidentally blew a hole through my air guitar.
Dear IRS…I would like an itemized receipt showing me exactly how every one of my tax dollars is being spent. Thanks.
When I was a child I dreamed of being an old west cowboy. When I grew up I realized they didn`t have toilet paper with aloe.
Oh, you fell in love?! I fell in my bathtub.
Two things you can always be certain about when it comes to women: 1) They`re always cold. 2) It’s somehow your fault.
It’s the most wonderful time of the year… to be slowly driven insane by Christmas music.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you’re ignorant and make bad decisions.
Every woman thinks her husband is a moron. And they’re absolutely right because smart men don’t get married.
People say I`m too patronising (that means I treat them as if they`re stupid).