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someone took my mood ring away... dont know how i feel about it
What Meatloaf wouldn`t do for love I would probably do for a six pack.
Why isn`t there a reality show called "Security Cams of Walmart?"
I wish "it`s the thought that counts" worked for housework.
Man, those 2013 Mayan Calenders are REALLY hard to find...
* feels winds of change * realizes it`s just a hole in my shorts
It`s only a 4 way stop if each driver can read
The kids left w/my parents for a week. I plan to run around the house for an hour yelling "woo hoo", but after that my schedule is wide open
The guy who invented, "Take Your Child To Work Day," probably forgot to drop his kid off at school on his way to work..
If "The Breakfast Club" was made today, it would be a silent film about five kids staring at their phone
This one time, I got trapped inside a couch cushion fort for like 47 days cause I forgot to put a secret door on it.
My resume is really just a list of things I never want to do again.
You may think I`m a loser, but to my goldfish, I`m the god of flakes.
Losing weight is not working for me, so I`m concentrating on getting taller.
When I`m bored, I send a text to a random number saying, " I hid the body, now what?"