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My internet was down for almost 4 mins, I’m ok but the 911 operator was a total b!tch about it!
My girlfriend says I talk while I sleep... but I`m skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
Imagine being the sort of person who knows what every button on a TV remote does.
The best nicknames are the ones people don’t know they have.
stupidity is a privelege entitled to everyone but you my dear are abusing this right
People who say 45 minutes past the hour must be the same ones who have kids 89 and 63 month olds
likes beer. On occasion, I will even drink beer to celebrate major events such as the my birthday or the fact that that it`s Monday.
I just lost another hour trying to figure out how to reset the clock in my car.
I like calling the Psychic Hotline and asking them what I`m wearing.
I really wish Wal-Mart had a 10 teeth or more line...
You can`t be late until you show up
I hate when people passive-aggressively post vague, indirect statuses. You know who you are...
Some people pass through our lives just to teach us not to be like them.
All my dance moves look like i`m trying to tell the guy on first base to steal second
I get butterflies in my stomach every time I eat butterflies.