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Bored? Update your Facebook to “in a relationship” with someone you’ve never met just to see if they’ll confirm.
Why does life keep teaching me lessons I have no desire to learn?
You`d think Pizza Hut would be able to upgrade to a house by now.
The whole purpose of vacationing is to make you appreciate knowing where the channels are at home.
To those of you who received a book from me as a Christmas present: just to let you know that they are due back at the library tomorrow.
Time is precious. Waste it wisely.
If pigs could fly.. Would I be able to get high on bacon?
My neighbors wifi isn`t working. Do you think they are aware and are trying to fix it, or should I go let them know?
The only complaint I have about being married is being married.
I can`t wait to find my soul mate so I can start sleeping on the couch.
I slept and woke up. (ok, lately this has become a major accomplishment in my life)
I may be stupid but im also dumb! :D
I`m off and running like a wounded herd of turtles on valium
I think germs are so nice for waiting 5 seconds before attacking food that falls on the floor.
People always ask me, where do I come up with my status`, do I make them up, or do I get them from the internet.. Truth is people. I use Status Enhancing Drugs.