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If I tell you I can`t text you because I`m driving it`s only because I`m also eating.
I had a Dr. appointment this morning. He asked me how many beers I drink. I held out my hand and said this one is only my 4th, I`ll call you back later with the total.
I used to wonder what it was like to read people’s minds. Then I got a Facebook account and I got over it.
Time to get out of bed and worry from another location.
We need to DETACH from all this technology and live life in the moment. Sent from my iPhone
I love my six pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.
The saddest thing about St. Patrick`s Day is taking down all my Christmas decorations.
I just want you to be happy…and maybe a little bit naked.
Depending on how you look at it, half of 8 could be 4, 3, or 0.
"American Pie" ruined it for any kid that actually does have an amazing story from band camp.
You might call it lazy ... I call it selective participation.
People say 60 is the new 40 but the cop who just pulled me over doesn`t agree.
To Do: Figure out how to get paid to travel the world and eat.
If I make you breakfast in bed. A simple `Thank you.` is all I need! Not all this `How did you get in my house?` business!
I hear they designed the newest iPhone to fit perfectly in your hand, right where your money used to be.