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Wrapping these baby carrots in Tootsie Roll wrappers is exhausting but the payoff will be worth it come Halloween.
Three decades of playing Tetris have apparently not improved our nation`s ability to stow overhead luggage.
And for my next magic trick, I`ll walk down a street and turn into a bar.
If I died and went straight to hell, it would take me a week to realize I wasn`t at work anymore.
I hate to sound racist, but.. all of your baby ultrasounds look the same.
If Google can`t find the answer, it`s not a question.
What if aliens only abduct crazy people, because nobody will ever believe them?
Not to brag but my new mistress is a lingerie model. OK, fine. A mannequin. But she doesn`t talk much and I like that.
Chili for breakfast. Cause I hate my Co-workers.
Procrastinating is just enjoying all the side quests in life whilst you delay the main quest story mission
Who me? Oh I`m just waiting for my husband to apologize for something I did wrong...marriage is fun
I`ll be a morning person when it`s Christmas.
I don`t think boredom gets enough blame for the trouble it causes.
I got in touch with my feminine side today... I made myself a sandwich.
You´re just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!