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Nothing is impossible. I know a man that once guessed correctly why a woman was mad at him.
Who´s up for Candyland? $20 buy in
"That`s crazy" is the perfect response when you haven`t been listening.
Picking and choosing who to say happy birthday to since 2006, thanks Facebook!
Apparently Home Depot`s slogan of "You can do it; We can help" doesn`t apply to masturbation.
Not to brag but my new mistress is a lingerie model. OK, fine. A mannequin. But she doesn`t talk much and I like that.
Does eating a gas station hot dog counts as a suicide attempt.
Anything is possible with the right attitude and a sledgehammer
When I die, I want a cellphone in my coffin…just in case.
Guys communicate by insulting each other, but don’t really mean it. Girls communicate by complimenting each other, but don’t really mean it.
There is no time to check time
R.I.P. 2013 (2013-2013)
I always wear a wedding ring when I go grocery shopping, so everyone thinks my cart full of groceries are for a family of 4 instead of just me
The restraining order doesn`t mean we can`t hangout. It just says I can`t get within 50 ft of you. So you wanna play catch or frisbee or something?
Girls here`s an idea, instead of spending all that money on makeup. Just buy your guy a bottle of Jack Daniels.