Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you just got invited to do something on New Year`s Eve, it means someone else cancelled.
So, I bought a wok to cook healthy food and I have to say, these french fries don`t taste any different.
Hi, welcome to adulthood! You`ll be constantly tired except for right before you need to go to sleep.
Our #1 problem in this country is that nobody wants to take responsibility for anything ...but please don`t quote me!
A dog running a hundred miles to retrieve a stick? That`s pretty far-fetched.
It is only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you realise that there is always a way to solve problems without violence
Is it ok to take a personal day if none of your pants fit? Asking for a friend.
You are wasting your time reading this status.
I`ve taken my kids all over the country, but their favorite place to be is still "in the way."
I do what I want, when I want, where I want. If my wife says it`s okay.
Hey bartender, pour me another, I see ugly people.
Gift cards are still the best way to say "I`m too lazy to think of a good gift and I think you`ll buy drugs if I give you cash."
Pretending I`m a pleasent person all day is exhausting
I wish that just once, the clerk would just put the Monopoly money in the drawer and hand me a receipt
Indecisiveness is just mental constipation.