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Sawing a hole in the bottom of a table to steal someone`s cake is way harder than it looks on cartoons.
If we can have HD video from Mars,,, then I should have 4 bars on my phone everywhere I go.
My mom always said that I`d never find a man dumb enough to marry me. Well, I showed her...
the ulitmate moment is when your identical twin says your ugly
My mom just walked in and called me gay... If my nails weren`t drying i swear to God..
is it just me, or did anyone else think that we would be living like the Jetson´s by 2011?
My walk of shame is going back for a shopping cart after realizing I can`t carry 23 items in my arms through the store.
Everytime someone says "Expect the unexpected" I like to punch them in the face and say "not as easy as it sounds, now is it?"
Yes officer, I know my driving is not 100% perfect, but you have to agree that it is still pretty good for someone who is completely drunk.
Turns out a crash diet doesn`t mean having vodka with every meal and falling down the stairs!
This is the only way I know how to correctly use a semi-colon ;)
I`m doing a charity gig tonight for people who struggle to achieve orgasm. Don`t worry if you can`t come
There are plenty of fish in the sea ...That`s cool and all....but I`m a human.
That moment when you spell a word so wrong that even auto correct is like....`I`ve got nothing man.`
If McDonald´s sold hot dogs, could u, with a straight face, order a McWeiner & tell them 2 super size it?