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Sorry I`m late, the floor was lava
Love is like hearing your favorite song for the first time. Then listening to it over and over again till you hate that song.
The olympics is the only time when you hear "Great execution by North Korea" and it seems okay.
I hate it when you follow your dreams and wind up in a dumpster in the back ally of an IHOP.
"mommy watch this!" is the toddler equivalent of "hold my beer and watch this"
I like when videogames limit how many things you can hold. "You have 100 items in an invisible bag. Carrying another would be unrealistic"
If Trump wins I`m leaving the country. If Hillary wins I`m leaving the country. This is not a political post, I just want to go on vacation.
I`m leaving my body to science because even scientists need a good laugh now and then.
I tried to open a can of WhoopAss,, but it popped like a can of biscuits and scared me.
Legally, it`s questionable .. Morally, it`s disgusting .. Personally, I love it. ;)
I`m a very modest person, mostly because I`m awesome.
The word "Saturday" has "turd" in it. Good luck trying to ignore that for the rest of your life, starting now.
Your baby has no idea that you threw him a 1st birthday party. All you did was inconvenience your friends.
I have decided to follow my dreams.....starting with that one where I am naked at work.
I already know that I`m going to hell ... At this point it`s really go big or go home.