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My friend works at a rubber dog poop factory. He`ll never get rich, but he makes doo.
If you`ve never needed to move to a new city and assume a new identity, then we probably haven`t dated.
Just got a new phone. Pretty pissed all my contacts were not lost.
Is it just me, or do mirrors look really sexy?
Sarcasm is the ability to insult stupid people without them realizing it.
Once a month, women go completely crazy for about thirty days.
I`m in my 30`s, but I still feel like I`m in my 20`s until I hang out with people in their 20`s and I`m like, "nope, I`m in my 30`s"
Knock knock... whos there? Cows go... Cows go who, No, cows go moo
Well, today was a complete waste of clean clothes.
Be nice to me ... I may be hot one day.
So your baby doesn`t know any tricks at all?
The toughest part of a lesbian relationship is deciding who gets to be the one who`s always right.
You have 600 friends on Facebook but you have to take your own picture of yourself for your profile photo.
When I text someone and they don`t text me back, I automatically assume that they fainted from the excitement.
My plans for GTA 5: Beat the crap outta people, Steal a cops gun, Jack a convertible, Rob a bank, Jump off a building, Go to GameStop, Buy GTA 5