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Love putting on underwear fresh out of the dryer. They`er so warm and cozy, and it`s fun to scan the laundromat and guess whose they are.
Why does toilet paper need a commercial? Who is not buying this?
Do NOT accept friend requests from Hormel Foods, it could be spam...
Sometimes I meow back at cats.
When I`m bored I like to call in sick to places I don`t work for. I`m getting written up at Home Depot
Why did you have to take a half naked picture in front of a full length mirror to show off your new haircut?
Flash mobs are so not what I thought. Now I`ve gotta go find my clothes.
Is there a 5-second Rule for when you drop babies? ...Asking for a friend. JK people!!! LOL ;)
Sometimes I watch sports holding an xbox controller just to screw with my girlfriend`s head...
If a Donkey and Zebra ever mate they`d have to call the offspring a Zonkey because Debra is already taken.
My wife says I should use the term "make love" instead of "f*ck.". What the make love is she talking about?
Your so old, you knew Burger King when he was a prince.
Just witnessed kids playing tag. What is this world coming to? Do their parents know they are outside, interacting, and getting exercise?
In my day we had to roll the windows up and down with our bare hands.
I always ask my waitress to name everything that comes in the salad then I respond “OK perfect, I want a cheeseburger with none of that on it.”