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I bet Miley Cyrus is eating Twerky right now.
If I could only use one word to describe myself, it would probably be: "not good at following directions".
Ever work out and think "wow I really needed that"? That`s how I feel about the chocolate chip cookie I just ate.
If I told you I was a pathological liar, would you believe me?
Meanwhile on Facebook, someone has made a casserole...
Hi, we`re a group of teens who solve mysteries! We wanna be taken seriously so we wrote a theme song about how we can`t ever find our dog.
looong and hard, yep thats my pencil.
If every porkshop was perfect, we wouldn`t have hot dogs.
Have the people who designed wine glasses ever washed dishes in their lives?
Cop cars should play the jaws theme song
I find the best way to get rid of headaches is to send them either to their rooms or outside to play.
Man I love watching women`s curling in the Olympics. It`s the only time I get to drink beer while cheering on women sweeping and no one slaps me.
I hate brushing my teeth at night. It signifies I can`t have any more food and I`m never ready for that kind of commitment.
Women, we don`t say this enough, but thank you...Thank you for not killing us in our sleep. Sincerely, Men.
They need to put more spider poison in hairspray.