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I propose we change the names of the upper case P and lower case p to "P standing up" and "p sitting down."
Does the Food Network deliver?
This bulk box of peanuts I got from Costco tastes like styrofoam.
Miracle Whip is a bit of an exaggeration if you ask me.
If I was Neil Armstrong landing on the moon, "That`s one small step for man," would have been, "Screw you every girl who ever shot me down!"
The old saying "I wouldn`t wish this on my worst enemy"... Clearly you have forgotten why they are your worst enemy.
My husband woke up this morning with a HUGE smile on his face. I love Sharpie markers.
Beer is like sex. When it’s good it’s good…when it’s bad it’s still pretty good.
There may be no excuse for laziness, but I`m still looking.
I hate when people try to make small talk on the elevator. "How`s it going?", "How about the weather?", "Where are your pants?".
I just told my wife it took her longer to pick a Netflix movie than it took me to pick out her engagement ring and that was a bad analogy.
"Shit ton" is my favorite unit of measurement.
I just had Déjà vu...and you were an asshole both times.
My Wife asked, "Would you like a romantic interlude?" I said, "Does a bear crap in the woods?". Wish I`d just said `Yes`, she`s been on Google ever since.
I hate it when I meow at cats and they don`t meow back. Unbelievably rude