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lol <- looks like a stick man drowning. lol
Personally, I believe that around 93% of the world`s population should run with scissors.
Of course your opinion matters. Just not to me.
I wish I could talk to donkeys so I could be known as the ass whisperer.
I walked into the bar sober with $42 & walked out drunk with $42. But you`re right fellas, men are smarter than women.
I’m going to the gym because I heard they have free weights. I wonder how many they’ll let me take?
Holidays, hotels and women. Three things that always look better online than in real life.
Girls are like parking spots all the good ones are taken and the rest are to far away
When butterflies fall in love, do they feel humans in their stomachs.
Nothing stops a yawn faster than a dog trying to lick inside your mouth.
Hey, sorry I missed your call. I saw your name on the caller ID and I didn’t want to ruin my day by talking to you.
As a future ghost, I`m kinda bummed out about the dress code.
What is depression? Depression is when you buy a new hula-hoop and it fits you.
Can you shut up now?! Because talking to you sounds less appealing then playing leapfrog with unicorns.
Doctor told me to lose some weight, and suggested walking.So no more drive through taco bell. Now I park 5 spaces away and walk in