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Who is this "Moderation" they keep telling me to drink with?
Just for kicks I posted "I won the LOTTERY" on Facebook. One girl liked it, then replied to the inbox message I sent her in 2010. *Blocked*
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye, but she was seeing someone on the side.
Friends are like boobs... Some are real some are fake.
When I die I want my body donated to science, but more specifically a scientist who is working on bringing dead guys back to life…
You just don’t see enough people being taken away in straight jackets anymore.
Why aren`t they called A$$teroids instead of hemorrhoids???
I don`t know why people say life is short....this seems to be taking forever.
Yes I admit I am a freak. Now, grab some whip cream, some feathers, handcuffs, blindfold, a whip and follow me into the kitchen.
Objects in spandex are larger than they appear
It`s been rough today, right now I`m busy trying to lasso the tv remote with my phone charger cord.
I dunno who decided on the spelling of bologna, but it`s obvious he had no idea how letters work.
When it gets nice out I`m going to have a roof party and after that`s done have a painting party inside, come all
If you step on someone`s foot, they open their mouth just like trash cans.
If Wal-Mart ends up selling mortgages, the trailer market will explode.