Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Yes, your opinion matters ... But not to me.
I pay $200 a month for car insurance, I`ll run all the red lights I want
If I was supposed to share them, they wouldn`t be called nachos.
DRINK BEER SAVE WATER..www.godrunk.com
Not All Of The `Goodbyes` Are Sad (eg. * Goodbye School * Goodbye Work)
"Trust your gut" is terrible advice. How can I put trust in something that tells me to eat an entire pizza when I get drunk?
My co workers put cookies on my desk, like they`re leaving a sacrifice for an angry god.
Sometimes when I`m bored, I pick out a girl from my list of FB friends that I`ve never actually met and then go back on her timeline and like every single post she made in like 2009......That should freak her out a bit...
My wife thinks I’m at work. My boss thinks I’m home sick. These ducks think I’m awesome because I have the bread.
It takes patience to listen, it takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
I want rich people problems. Like where to land my private jet.
u cant spell awesome without me
Looks like you have a lot on your mind. Do you wanna drink about it?
A good thing about dating a vegan is that you could kill 2 birds with 1 stone, when you buy flowers because they`re also a snack for later.
I thought we had something. You met my family, made me dinner, called me honey. Now suddenly you’re a “waitress” who was “doing her job?”