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What do sleeping and sex have in common? ... I`m not getting nearly enough of either.
Despite the old saying, "Don`t take your troubles to bed", many women still sleep with their husbands.
joined a nudist colony last week ... the first few days were the hardest!
Cake and pie can’t compete. If you put candles in a cake it’s birthday cake. Put candles in a pie and someone’s drunk in the kitchen.
If I’m not eating I’m most likely not happy.
Not now, I`m busy bringing shame to my family on the internet.
I want to live in a world where the Food Network delivers.
I lost my mood ring today. Not sure how to feel about it
Do me a favor if someone tells you they don`t like me , tell them I don`t like them either.
I was doing laundry today and accidentally left out a very large fart. 4 people turned around. For a minute, I thought I was on "The Voice".
People born in 1994-1999 have lived in three decades, two centuries, and two millenniums. & they are not even 18 yet.
Experience with women has taught me that Jack was most likely pushed down the hill.
If I could have sex with anyone, living or dead, I would for sure pick living.
I swear I can hear Google sigh every time I start typing in their search bar.
My New Year`s resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier.