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I just made 3 critical errors: 1. I woke up for work. 2. I went to work. 3. I arrived at work.
Is it ok to take a personal day if none of your pants fit? Asking for a friend.
This Coffee has given me unrealistic expectations of productivity.
I Don’t answer text messages right when I get them so I don’t seem desperate. Then, I forget about them and never respond.
New Years - the only day where its socially acceptable to drink this early.
Quick question, ladies: If you shave your eyebrows off and then draw them back on, what the heck are you doing?
When people stay in a horrific relationship instead of breaking up, I assume they killed someone together.
There`s no rehab for stupid! ;P
The first step is admitting you’re a problem.
bitches want what they cant have..or thats what I keep telling myself
Nothing is better than seeing your ex with someone uglier than you!
The mailman just delivered an 8-track of Boz Skaggs Greatest Hits. I guess this fulfills my Columbia House obligation.
My 5yr old learned how to whistle if anyone’s looking for a new 5yr old.
If you think about it, before the first mirror was invented, if you didn’t live near a body of water, you had no idea what you looked like.
"Stop, Drop, and Roll" is not JUST an effective fire safety technique, but also a very memorable way of getting out of a boring conversation. :P