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Can`t wait for Daylight Saving Time to end this weekend so the clock in my car will have the correct time.
If you listen real closely, you can hear my alarm clock laughing as I set it.
Remember the bridge you drive over today was built by the lowest bidder.
I went to the store and saw that Duracell batteries were on sale just before Valentine`s Day. Someone is a marketing genius.
Who the hell buys a cat? There are cats everywhere just let one in your home and it becomes your cat.
Yadot rorrim eht fo edis gnorw eht no pu ekow I. (I woke up on the wrong side of the mirror today.)
Dyslexics of the world.. UNTIE!
Whenever there is an awkward silence try whispering, "Did you forget your line?"
I do marathons ... on Netflix.
You know it´s going to be a bad day when your horoscope starts with.. "Are you sitting down?"
I`d have a longer attention span if things weren`t so shiny.
"What`s wrong?" "Oh it`s personal" Then, why`d you post it to Facebook.
My room isn`t messy. I just prefer to have my favorite items on display.
Just because nobody complains doesn`t mean all parachutes are perfect.
Sometimes I think "Screw this ... I`ll just be a stripper!"