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Meanwhile, Somewhere farther down on your timeline, your aunt just posted the "Footprints" poem on your wall again.
It`s pretty cool how vodka always has such `great` ideas.
Two girls riding their bikes on a cobble stone road. 1st girl: I never came this way before. 2nd girl: Me neither. It must be the cobble stones.
If you use karate instead of a knife your wife won`t ask you to cut the vegetables anymore
I can’t wait to be ashamed of what I do this weekend.
Just because I`m awake doesn`t mean I`m ready to do things
people say i talk in my sleeep , but no one at work seems to notice
If its the thought that counts, then I`ve banged so many hot chicks.
Nascar would be so more entertaining if they threw banana peels and turtle shells.
As soon as you think “maybe I can get up early and just finish it tomorrow” you’ve already lost.
In retrospect, replying "Happy as a serial killer in a skin suit factory", probably wasn`t the best way to respond to my therapist.
Have you ever held your money and thought "I hope this hasn´t been up a stripper´s butt"
My Wife says I talk while I sleep..........but I`m skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it
Shout out to all the girls who don`t have to dress half naked to get a man`s attention. Stay classy! And the rest of you come with me.
I`m so old, I remember when the internet didn`t have commercials.